Had She Always Meant to Say?

You won't believe what I found out last night. Riley couldn't sleep in the bed with Maya, so she went and sat by the window and Maya fell asleep and then for no reason, Lucas showed up without Farkle and talked to Riley, which woke me up. "Hey do you guys mind, little boy trying to get 10-12 hours of sleep here!" I said sitting up. "Why is he here?" I asked when I opened my eyes. "He couldn't sleep either so he came over and we were just talking" Riley explained. I realized that if they are there and Farkle isn't here, than it is likely Riley isn't making Maya feel great with having Lucas come over like she did something wrong. I climbed down and shook Maya who was sleeping. She was almost sitting up, but I kept shaking her and banged her head on the wall. "Maya are you awake?" I asked as I banged her head back. "Ouch! I am now" she said rubbing her head. I don't know but at random times she acts all weird and does very stupid things and I don't know why. So this time she decided to rub wet lotion all over her head full of hair because it was bruised. Why does she do these things!? Why? She isn't always like that, but at random times she is, it's weird. I don't even know what causes it or anything. So she told me I was the 3rd person to bang her head into a wall, I remember one being Farkle a while ago and considering how many times Lucas hit her, I am going to go with the other one was him and then the third one was me. When she went to lay down, she smacked her own head on the wall and counted herself as the 4th person to do it, even though it was an accident. And then she felt bad because Riley invited Lucas over and that only happens when they are fighting and she claimed it happened the night before and she is sick of Riley treating her like they are fighting when they are not. Like the night before Riley ditched her for no good reason and last night she acted as if they got into a fight and were doing those teams. So then randomly after a while, Riley and Lucas went into Riley's room and me and Maya stayed in mine. "They left" I said looking at Maya. She turned half to face me and said "You think I don't know that" when I realized she probably knew it before I did. So she sat there crying and I asked her what was wrong. "She literally said over text 'I won't do ditch you again, promise' and then 24 hours later we walk into the same situation, the same story, I've seen it all! You don't have to bother telling me what happens next" she cried. I didn't know what to say. "Does it ever look like I want attention?" she asked me. Again, I didn't know what to say. "No" I said silently. "Does it really?" she asked again. "Well, sorta...sometimes I guess" I responded. "Well I don't mean it like that, that isn't what I've always meant to say" she replied. She looked straight at me, it kinda freaked me out for a second. "I don't want attention, I just want love" she said. She sounded like some 1800's quoter for books made from typewriters. "I don't care if everyone pays attention to me, I just want the people I care about to care about me" she added. "Oh" I said, I still had no clue what to respond to that. It went silent and we just sat there. Then she randomly started crying so hard out of the blue. "What?" I asked sincerly. "I have nobody to cry to anymore, my mom is a mess and my dad has another family, my best friend needs a monthly payment and now I have nowhere to go" she cried. "Your best friend needs a monthly payment?" I asked confused, I didn't understand what was going on inside her head, I didn't know what that meant. "What is a monthly payment, Auggie?" I asked. "Where you pay money every month" I said. "Yeah, okay and it is something that you give people to have something that everyone deserves anyway, like a house" she explained. "She wants me to pay her, maybe not in money, but she wants something for being my friend, that is what I mean" she added. I understood completely now, it made perfect sense. Who has to buy friendship? If Riley makes people pay for their friendships with her, who is she ever gonna meet that is desperate enough to actually do that? Someday, it won't be us, it will be her and the world and those people aren't like Maya, they can walk away and not see her for years and they'd be just fine, no matter how much she loved them. Which she only ever loved Farkle anyway, since October Maya meant nothing to her and if Maya's reading this, that is not to be offensive. Maya, she knew that. Maya knew it, she did. She's said it all over her blog. So my advice to anyone who is reading the words of wisdom of this 5-year-old child, I would like to say don't be like Riley and don't make people pay for their friendships because nobody will actually stay with you. Oh and don't be like Maya either, don't be willing to pay for friendship, that should be a given people. And if people are making you pay for friendship, only staying if there is something in it for them, then do what Maya should've done 3 months ago and walk away and go finds friends that will love you for you and not because you pay them. This has been Auggie Matthews and my wonderful words of wisdom, thank you all and good night! (Even though it is 10:00 in the morning)